In each moment the fire rages, it will burn away a hundred veils. And carry you a thousand steps toward your goal                 Rumi Many mornings this winter I was waking up between 3-5 a.m., with rushes of fear spreading across my collarbone and down the insides of my arms. I have hated it. And really resented being woken up so early, in the dark. I tried all the coping strategies I could think of: Prayer. Chants. Mantras. Swearing. Sometimes I would get up and read. Or better, write. That helped for awhile but made the days very long and tiring. Finally I surrendered, remembered there must be a meaning to this, a purpose, something I needed to know for my own soul growth and evolution. So I sat up in bed and asked it: Fear! What are you doing here? What do you need me to pay attention to? She answered: I’m not fear, I’m Fire. Your heart is on fire and you are ignoring it. It was time to stop stalling and hiding my new story, the new business of Primetime Revival for women’s legacy and leadership. Time to trust my heart and lead with love. Scary indeed. The fear at at the threshold of answering a soul calling, a new story, can be quite intense, way beyond the friendly encouragement to “step out of your comfort zone”. To me, stepping out of my comfort zone refers to trying to hold a Frog stand position in yoga for more than 3 seconds. The leap into the new story can feel like death, and is in fact the death of a former life, identity, path, way of being. This is the transformational process which asks us to surrender to the alchemical power of fire. How do we step across the fear threshold, through the fires of initiation, to align with and live our authentic calling? We need the power and passion of our love for what matters, the “why”, which is much bigger than our personal fears. We need to trust our dreams, desires and the guidance of Self. We need allies, mentors, community. Fear is an instrument of the Self, the soul, placing us in impossible situations to encourage, to force us to bring out some undeveloped and precious part of ourselves. For women, this is very often their power. Jung said: “When it comes to the really great and decisive questions…the rational way proves to be a cul-de-sac.” The solution, the answer, always comes from some unexpected direction, and is represented by a symbol, a dream, a synchronicity, the still, small voice of intuitive whispers. At times like these, we need to renounce our own plans, surrender to the Divine, and allow the great mystery to make a new way. In a book by Rabbi Alan Lew ( Be Still and Get Going) he refers to two definitions for fear in the Hebrew bible. One word is pachad – our worries, worst case scenario predictions, the voice of the inner critic and perfectionist. This is how our small self, the personal ego, shows up. But a second word, yirah, names the feeling that overcomes us as we move into a larger space than we have ever lived in before. The surges of additional energy, like my fiery chest and arms, can feel overwhelming. But it also tells us we are in the presence of the Divine as we draw close to our soul assignment. Safely contained in the spaciousness and knowing of the bigger story of us, gradually the ego will learn to let go and surrender to the powers of the transforming Self. Life can become a continual unfolding of the creative, and the sacred. Becoming fearless we will accept the numinous, mysterious and purposeful guidance of the Self. If you are feeling the anxiety of such a cul de sac, a seemingly dead end in your own life, there are many tools and practices which help. ~First, know that you are not alone. The intensity and quickening you feel are not only your own life changes but the enormous upheaval in the world as we move from patriarchal, dominator cultures to sacred Feminine power, the New Story of partnership and collaboration. The highest version of ourselves is ready to emerge. ~Open up new lines of communication between self and Self by paying attention to dreams, gut instincts, the still, small voice, surprising appearances of animals or people or even songs on the radio, spelling “corrections” on your iPhone. Synchronicities. Let imagination lead. Let yourself play and be happy. Enjoy time in Nature. Follow the wisdom of your heart, your “heart-mind” as the Taoists say. ~Release the old story by telling the truth not only about how you feel, but what you need and desire. And dream. These are holy. It is the Divine coming through you. Be a servant leader. A blessing to others. Awaken to the power to co-create your life and shape the collective future. We women do have the power. Let love lead the way. You don’t need to know the whole story. Just start moving in the direction of your aliveness and joy. Find a tribe to co-create and collaborate with. Fire up your dreams. Life is in many ways a dream, and the collective dream of too many is a shared mass hallucination of decidedly suicidal tendencies! So it is important for you beautiful and brilliant women to live your dreams. Wake up to the magnitude of your influence and imagination. As Beltane approaches, honor the way of the Fool (in Tarot) and Fool’s journey. Be a fool for love, plant your hopes, dreams and creative goals. Be a beginner. Begin. The Universe is conspiring to bring you your greatest good, your greatest success. Teilhard de Chardin wrote of the importance of “conspire” meaning to breathe together in a conspiracy of love. Let’s be such conspirators. This we say also as we hold the beautiful people of Nepal in our hearts after the terrible earthquakes. Dream Wisdom: On Her Way One of the core meanings of Beltane is the marriage, the coniunctio, of the sacred Feminine and Masculine. In a recent dream, a very hopeful image of both the return of the sacred Feminine and the creative support of the masculine appeared: I am worried the Goddess has turned Her back on us in this world of wars and conflicts, the destruction of the environment. I haven’t seen Her in awhile. I walk into a large, light art studio where a male sculptor friend is working on a tall block of granite. It is somewhat in the shape of a tombstone, about three feet across, four or five feet high. There seems to be nothing there yet. But wait. A slight rounded shape at the top, the back of a head. The sculptor turns the stone around and I can see the beginnings of a Goddess form. He continues working, carving intricate details of the Goddess Venus of Willendorf. Then the shape begins to move out of the block. She comes out of the stone followed by a stream of different Goddesses, all moving out of the stone and dancing into the room. Kuan Yin. Tara. The Minoan snake Goddess with snakes in her arms. Pele with masses of curls. I am so shocked by this in the dream that I cannot remember all that I saw. Only that the Goddesses were alive, released, and dancing, at the hands of this faithful sculptor. I awoke with such hope for the future. The divine Masculine in service to the emerging, wild and sacred Feminine. The Celtic holy day of Beltane or “bright fire” is today, May 1. This is the beginning of beginnings, the emergence from darkness and winter with the seeds of our new story. As spring is the regreening of our world, perhaps it is also the season for the regreening, the rewilding, of you. It is time to celebrate life, joy and abundance. Dancing around a May pole, we celebrate the marriage, the coniunctio of Feminine and Masculine. This is a magical time, a time of “No Time”, when the veils between the worlds are thinnest, the faeries, ancestors and helping spirits come close. Fire has a sacred healing and purifying power, burning off the unwanted and unnecessary aspects of ourselves to leave our essence. So let’s celebrate the marriage of our own complementary energies, the Feminine and the Masculine and celebrate a marriage which promises renewal of ourselves and the world. The birth of a new story. A new life. Come into the dance of life! sc